12:03 AM
Shen's Web
Yes! My mother is one of my best friends.
I understand that people
will hesitate at that - they'll say that children have enough friends, that
they need parents. But who says you can't be both? It's probably the same
person who slams friendships between employers and employees, and teachers and
students. OK, such ‘rules of engagement' might apply to these latter examples,
but surely there's more to parenting than power?
People can confuse
friendship with loss of authority, but that's a mistake - the real power in
relationships comes from seeing others as individuals. Your child is a person
in their own right.
Children will never be
forced to lie to or keep secrets , when made parenting easier. We have to keep
the lines of communication open by seeing the world through their eyes, without
reproach.
The theory becomes true,
when they feel safe to reveal because they knew the mother's interest comes
from a place of love rather than judgement. Granted, there lies disagreements,
but there wouldn’t be a life event where they couldn't share things with their mother,
and the sharing goes both ways.
Parenting manuals are full
of advice on the power of apologizing to your small child. In later years,
these admissions of error can evolve from forgetting to buy chocolate sprinkles
to more adult confessions. This is the gift of vulnerability. Admitting
our own regrets allows our children to be OK with their own mistakes and move
forward. Being a ‘good-enough mother' is far better for your child than being a
‘perfect.
There
is no right or wrong in this but, faced with the choice between the full
exposed route, or parenting with distinct limits, I know which path I will
choose to walk with my child. And it won't be the sugar-coated one.
The
role of a Parent is to provide the child with secure environment in which they
can be loved, respected, supported, protected, supervised and disciplined, so
they thrive and experience healthy attachment.
Posted in: childcare
